How to Lose Weight During Perimenopause When You Still Have Kids at Home

Here’s the honest truth about trying to lose weight when you’re a mom in perimenopause: 

Your kids are watching. 

And I don’t mean they’re judging you—I mean they’re learning from you. Every diet you go on, every time you beat yourself up about your body, every separate meal you make for yourself while feeding them something different—they’re absorbing it all. 

And if you’re like me, that realization might just be the wake-up call you need to finally ditch the diet mentality and create something that actually works for your whole family.

If this is your first time reading the Thinlicious blog, here’s what you should know about me: 

I’m a 47-year-old woman who struggled with my weight for over a decade—starting probably in my early 30s—failing at diet after diet, until I finally realized I needed to take a completely different approach. 

Not just for me, but for my two teenage daughters who were watching my every move.

And that’s exactly what we’re diving into today. 

Because if you’re a mom trying to lose weight during perimenopause while still raising kids, you’re dealing with a unique set of challenges that most weight loss advice completely ignores.

You’re juggling hormones that are all over the place, energy that crashes at 2 PM, and a family that still needs to eat dinner every night. 

You barely have time to make one meal, let alone cook separately for yourself. And meanwhile, you’re worried about setting a good example for your kids while secretly beating yourself up every time you look in the mirror.

And oh friend, I’ve been there. 

And today, I want to share what I learned about making healthy changes that actually work for your whole family—not just you.

Because here’s the truth that my sister wisely told me years ago, right after I had my first daughter:

The mom sets the tone. 

Whether we like it or not, whether it feels fair or not, we’re the ones who create the culture in our homes. For food, for energy, for happiness and for everything else.

And that can either feel like a massive burden, or it can be the most empowering realization you’ve ever had.

So let’s talk about how to make it empowering.

The Wake-Up Call I Didn’t See Coming

Because you know what’s funny? 

For the longest time, I thought my kids were completely oblivious to my weight struggles. They were just kids, right? 

And kids love their moms no matter what. 

They’re not paying attention to whether mom’s on another juice cleanse or counting Weight Watchers points or making herself a sad little salad while everyone else gets pizza.

Except they are. They’re watching everything.

And it wasn’t until my daughters started getting older—especially once they hit their teens—that I realized just how much they had been absorbing all those years.

I started thinking about my own childhood, and I could so clearly remember being in second grade and watching my mom constantly dieting. 

She was always on Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers, always giving herself a smaller plate, always talking about needing to lose weight. 

And my older sister picked up on all of that. 

She was six years older than me, so when she was entering her awkward teenage years, I was still just a little girl.

And I distinctly remember her telling me, when I was only in second grade, “Ruth, we gotta go on a diet. We gotta lose weight.” 

And then she taught me to only take a little bit of food at dinner and to chew every bite 25 times.

I was eight. 

And that was the beginning of a really messed up relationship with food that followed me all the way through high school, where I struggled with a full-blown eating disorder.

And looking back at that time in high school where there were a whole lot of other traumatic things happening in the background, I know that for me food felt like the one area of my life that I could control.

But it definitely messed me up, for a long time.

And as a mom with two daughters, I knew I did NOT want that for them. 

I couldn’t change the decade of crazy dieting I’d already done in front of them, but I could change what happened next.

And that realization—that my daughters were watching and learning from everything I did—was actually one of the biggest catalysts for me finally getting serious about changing my approach to health. 

Not going on another diet, but actually changing my lifestyle.

Because I realized that whatever I was going to eat, whatever I was going to cook, whatever I was going to model for my family—that had to be something we could all do together. 

I was done with separate meals. I was done with starving myself while feeding my family. 

I was done with saying negative things about my body in front of my girls.

From that point forward, they were going to see me nourishing my body, not depriving it. 

They were going to see me eating real food, not diet food. 

And they were going to learn that taking care of yourself isn’t about restriction—it’s about giving your body what it needs to thrive.

The Problem with the Diet Mentality (Especially for Moms)

Because here’s the thing about trying to lose weight when you’re still raising kids: 

The traditional diet approach is basically set up to make us fail. 

Because most diets are built around restriction and control, and life with kids is anything but controlled.

The biggest myth that keeps so many of us totally stuck is this idea that you have to cut calories, cut back, and be super restrictive to lose weight. 

And when you’re raising kids, that basically means you either have to cook separate food for you and your family, or you have to eat way less, or your kids are going to see you eating completely different things.

I don’t know about you, but I barely have time to cook one meal for my family, much less something separate for myself. 

And I would dare to guess that most other moms are the same way. 

So then we think, “Well, I can’t get healthy because I don’t have time to cook separate meals.” And we stay stuck.

But here’s what I learned: you don’t have to eat differently from your family to lose weight. 

You just have to eat better. All of you.

And when I made that shift—when I stopped thinking about “diet food” and started thinking about “real food”—everything changed. 

Not just for me, but for my whole family.

And honestly that feels so obvious to me now, that of course this is the solution, but it wasn’t for a long time, and I don’t think it’s obvious until you really start thinking about it.

Because as a family, we ate a lot of crap for a long time, without even realizing it.

The Stockpile That Opened My Eyes

When my kids were little, like really little, I was all about saving money on groceries. 

In fact, that’s how I started my original business, Living Well Spending Less.

I taught people how to coupon, and I was really good at it. 

I had this pantry that was packed full of food that I’d gotten for practically nothing.

I’d go to the grocery store with a huge stack of coupons and walk away with $300 worth of groceries that I paid $10. At the time, it felt amazing. And I was so proud of myself.

I gave zero thought to the fact that most of what I was buying was absolute garbage.

Because now look back at pictures of that stockpile pantry and think, “No wonder I struggled with my weight for 10 years!” 

Pretty much everything in there was processed garbage. Rice-a-Roni, Hamburger Helper, Stovetop Stuffing—all the stuff I was feeding my family thinking I was doing great because it was cheap and easy.

But think about it–what do all those big food conglomerates give you coupons for? 

It’s not for whole, healthy foods that will nourish your body.

They give you coupons for all the processed crap. 

Because that’s the stuff they make all the money on. So that’s what they want you to eat. And I was probably doing what 90% of Americans are doing, which is why we have an obesity crisis in this country.

I wasn’t trying to poison my family. 

I was just buying the food that was on sale, that I could use coupons for, that seemed normal.

But all that processed food was creating a crisis of insulin resistance in my body—and probably in my kids’ bodies too.

Once I realized that, everything clicked. 

If I could just cut out the processed crap and start feeding my family nutrient-dense protein and vegetables for every meal, we could all be healthier together. 

And my kids could eat that too.

And not only that–and this is the honest truth–they loved it. 

They did not complain one single bit when I started cooking healthier, more nutrient-dense meals for our entire family.

They didn’t miss the crap. 

They were actually pretty thrilled that I was cooking real food every night.

Building a Food Culture That Works for Everyone

And I do want to speak to this a little bit more, because I know this is something that a lot of moms worry about–that if you start cooking better food for your family, that your kids won’t eat it.

So here’s what I want you to understand: when I say “my kids loved it,” I don’t mean they immediately started cheering for broccoli, even though they actually do love broccoli.

What I really mean is that we’ve built a food culture in our home that made healthy eating feel normal and enjoyable, not like a punishment.

Ever since my kids were little, we’ve had two big rules about food in our house that I think made a huge difference:

Rule number one is that you show gratitude for anyone who cooks for you, even if you don’t love what’s on your plate. 

I’ve always tried to raise my kids to understand that cooking takes time and effort, and when somebody takes the time to prepare a meal for you—whether it’s mom, dad, or you’re at someone else’s house—that meal took time and effort to create. It’s a gift.

And your job is to show gratitude for that effort. You don’t have to lie and say you love it, but you do have to say thank you, just like you would for any other gift. 

It’s basically the same way we teach our kids to say thank you, even when their great aunt Mildred gives them some ugly sweater that they’ll never wear. 

But that’s our first rule.

The second rule we’ve always had for our kids is that you’re not allowed to say you don’t like something until you’ve tried it at least three separate times. 

I read somewhere, at some point a long time ago, that kids’ palates aren’t developed enough to know whether they like things, but they’ll automatically say they don’t like things that are new and different. 

But usually, once something becomes familiar, they’ll actually enjoy it. 

So that became our rule: try it three separate three times before you can say you don’t like it.

And you know what? It worked. My kids are both total foodies now. 

And maybe that would’ve happened anyway, but I’m not sure–I see how picky a lot of their friends are and I’m glad that my kids aren’t that way.

They care about food, they like to cook and try new recipes, they like to participate in deciding what we’re going to eat. 

Right now we’re getting ready to go to Italy for a week to attend my niece’s wedding, and my oldest daughter has planned our itinerary around food. We’re doing cooking classes, and she has not only picked all the restaurants she wants to eat at, but made reservations so she knows we’ll be able to get in.

Just the other day, she made breakfast for the whole family, and prepared a “flight” of avocado toast—three different kinds, all super creative and delicious.

And not only that, I’ve noticed that they actually PREFER eating healthy, whole foods to processed junk. 

They choose it on their own. They pay attention to sugar. They eat lots of fruit and vegetables and protein.

And obviously they’re still teenagers, so they still eat crap sometimes, but I can see that they’ve already developed habits and preferences for the way that they eat that will serve them for life.

And that makes me really happy.

The Practical Side: Making It Work When Life Is Crazy

Okay, with all that said, let’s now get practical. 

Because I’m sure all of this sounds great in theory, but what does it actually look like when you’re dealing with work schedules, sports practices, homework, and all the chaos that comes with family life?

Because it can be a lot sometimes, right?

So the first thing I’ll tell you that has been a total game-changer for me is becoming super intentional about meal planning and food prep.

Every Sunday afternoon, I sit down to plan our meals for the week. 

I ask my kids for their schedules—when my daughter’s working, what nights she’s going to be home, when my other daughter has cheer practice or plans with friends. I want to know what nights they’re going to be home for dinner and what everybody’s schedules look like.

Then I ask them if they have any preferences or requests. 

And they usually do. 

They have tried-and-true favorites—salmon with Caesar salad, oven-baked steak, pesto chicken, egg roll in a bowl, any kind of bowl really. They love fish tacos and taco salad, Big Mac bowls. This week they both requested mozzarella stuffed meatballs with marinara and ricotta.

I actually like that they give me feedback on what they want, because it makes it easier for me to choose. 

If one daughter wants something and the other doesn’t, but one of them’s not going to be home, I’ll fit it into that day.

Then I create the schedule and print it out—everybody’s schedule and the meal plan—and I put it on the fridge. 

And let me just tell you, that little calendar on our fridge gets looked at all the time. It’s like our sanity saver. Everybody knows what we’re eating, everybody knows what’s going on.

Then I go grocery shopping, usually Sunday afternoon, and make sure I have all the food. 

Now that my youngest daughter has her driver’s license and is eager to drive everywhere, I’ll sometimes send her to Publix with the grocery list so that I don’t have to go.

And now I’ll also often have them cook meals on the days I work, either a recipe I choose or something they want to make.

My only real rules for what we are that it has to be whole foods, no processed crap, it has to include protein, and you can’t make the same thing over and over again. 

You have to try different things.

That’s actually been super helpful for the days I work—having a little help in the kitchen and not feeling like it’s all just on me.

I also do food prep on either Sunday or Monday. I’ll grill up a bunch of chicken and make chicken bowls or chicken salad. I make enough for the whole family because they like it too. 

Everyone—including my kids—like having food in the fridge that they can just grab and eat.

The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

And while the meal planning and food prep is the practical thing that keeps me sane and keeps my healthy eating on track, when I look back at this huge shift in my life, I know there was something even bigger that made all the difference.

Basically, I had to completely change my mindset about what this whole process was supposed to look like.

I had to give up perfectionism. 

I had to accept that life with kids is busy and chaotic, and there are always going to be moments when you have to give yourself grace. There are going to be nights when you’re running between basketball games at two different schools and all you have time to grab is a hot dog and some peanuts from the concession stand. And that’s okay.

The key is accepting that this is a lifestyle change, not a diet. 

It’s not about being perfect or falling off the wagon and having to start over. It’s about making the best choice you can in any given situation and not beating yourself up when that choice isn’t perfect.

I kept reminding myself: big goals never happen all at once. They are only the result of small steps taken consistently over time.

And you know what? 

That mindset shift didn’t just help me—it helped my kids too. Because they saw me making the best choice I could in any situation without freaking out about it. 

They saw me nourishing my body consistently without obsessing about it. They learned that taking care of yourself isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up and doing what you can.

When Hormones and Life Collide

But let’s be real about something: trying to make healthy changes during perimenopause is hard. 

Your hormones are all over the place. Your energy crashes at random times. Your mood can swing from fine to furious in about thirty seconds. 

And meanwhile, you’re still expected to keep everyone fed, get kids to practice, help with homework, and somehow hold it all together.

Some days, the last thing you want to do is meal prep or cook a healthy dinner. 

Some days, you just want to order pizza and be done with it. And guess what? Sometimes that’s exactly what you should do.

The difference is, when you’ve built a foundation of healthy habits, those off days don’t derail everything. They’re just part of life. 

Your kids see that sometimes life gets crazy, and you do what you need to do to get through it. But then you get back to taking care of yourself and your family.

That’s the beauty of making this a lifestyle instead of a diet. 

There’s no wagon to fall off of. There’s just life, and you’re navigating it as best you can.

The Ripple Effects You Don’t Expect

But here’s what I didn’t expect when I started this journey: how much it would impact my daughters in ways that have nothing to do with food.

Because when you stop criticizing your body and start nourishing it instead, your kids learn to do the same. When you stop saying negative things about yourself and start showing gratitude for what your body can do, they absorb that too.

I made a really conscious decision to be intentional about saying positive things about myself and my body in front of my girls. And I talked to my husband about it too, about how important it was for them to see him complimenting me and speaking positively about me in front of them.

Not because we weren’t already doing that, but because we wanted to be really intentional about it. Because we wanted our daughters to grow up with good self-esteem, and we knew that the way they were going to develop that was by seeing us model it.

And it worked. 

My daughters are now 16 and 18, and they have such a healthy relationship with food and their bodies. They don’t have the same hangups I did at their age. They see food as nourishment, not as the enemy. 

They see taking care of themselves as normal, not as something to feel guilty about.

The Truth About “Winning on Multiple Fronts”

The truth is that being a mom is hard. 

Getting healthy is hard. 

Keeping up with life is hard. 

There are a lot of things in our day-to-day life that cause strain and make it difficult and wear you down.

But this—changing your lifestyle in a way that your family can actually participate in—this is how you win on multiple fronts.

You get to win with your health and start to feel better and have way more energy. 

You get to win with your kids because they think the food is amazing and they’re excited about what they’re eating. 

And you get to win by teaching them healthy habits that are going to stay with them for the rest of their lives.

It’s not about life magically getting easier. It’s about making some parts of life easier by including your family instead of working against them.

Your Starting Point: The Mindset Shift

So if you’re listening to this and feeling overwhelmed, here’s what I want you to start with: 

The mindset shift.

This isn’t a diet. It’s a lifestyle.

Stop thinking about what you need to cut out or restrict or change dramatically. Start thinking about what you’re already doing that works, and how you can make it a little bit better.

The key is to start where you are and upgrade what you can. 

Sometimes it’s not about making big, dramatic changes all at once. Sometimes it’s about figuring out what already works for you and finding a way to make it a little bit better.

The Freedom You’re Really After

Because here’s what I know for sure: this whole journey isn’t really about weight loss. It’s about freedom.

Freedom from the constant mental chatter about food and your body. Freedom from the guilt and shame that comes with diet culture. Freedom from feeling like you’re failing at everything.

When you stop fighting against your life and start working with it, when you stop trying to be perfect and start focusing on progress, when you stop hiding your healthy choices from your kids and start including them—that’s when everything changes.

Not just for you, but for your whole family.

And in a world that’s constantly telling us we’re not enough, that we need to do more, be more, try harder—creating a home where everyone feels nourished and valued and healthy is pretty revolutionary.

So start there, friend. 

Start with the mindset that this is a lifestyle, not a diet. Start with the belief that you can include your family in this journey instead of hiding from them. Start with the understanding that progress, not perfection, is what gets you where you want to go.

Because you’re not just changing your health—you’re changing your family’s relationship with food and their bodies for generations to come.

And that’s worth doing imperfectly.

Final Thoughts

If you’re ready to stop fighting against your life and start working with it, if you’re ready to create healthy habits that actually work for your whole family, then I want you to check out our free starter guide HERE.

It’s called “Flip the Switch,” and it will explain in detail why it feels like your metabolism has stopped working and what you can do to get it started again—without making your life harder or more complicated.

Because the truth is, sustainable weight loss isn’t about willpower or restriction or perfect meal plans. It’s about understanding how your body actually works and giving it what it needs to thrive. And when you do that in a way that includes your family, everybody wins.

So don’t wait for the perfect time or the perfect plan. Start where you are, with what you have, and make it a little bit better. Your future self—and your kids—will thank you.

Alright, that’s all I have for you today. If this was helpful, I’d love it if you could share it with another mom who might need to hear this message. And don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss future episodes.

And I’ll see you soon for another new episode.