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“I can’t remember the last time my wife and I were intimate. It’s been months… maybe even a year.”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. In fact, studies suggest that 14-15% of marriages fall into the category of sexless marriages (defined as less than 10 sexual encounters per year, according to Psychology Today, based on U.S. national survey data). But beyond the statistics lies something more painful: the loneliness, the sense of rejection, and the quiet fear that your relationship is slipping away.
The good news? A sexless marriage doesn’t have to be a hopeless one. In this article, we’ll explore why it happens, how it affects couples emotionally, and—most importantly—how you can start reigniting intimacy in your marriage.
What Is a “Sexless Marriage”?
Clinically, researchers define a sexless marriage as having sexual intimacy fewer than 10 times a year. For some couples, it’s much less—sometimes years go by without intimacy.
But the real issue isn’t the number. It’s what the lack of intimacy represents. To many couples, it signals:
- Emotional disconnection
- Unresolved conflicts
- A silent agreement to stop trying
And yet, many couples never talk about it. Shame, fear of conflict, and cultural taboos perpetuate the silence.
Here are a few insights from an expert to rekindle sexual desire in a relationship.
What does the research say?
A recent working paper by Sam Peltzman (2023/24) analyzed decades of data from the U.S. General Social Survey and found a consistent “marital happiness premium” of roughly 30 percentage points: married people, on average, report markedly higher self-rated happiness than unmarried people across all major demographic groups. papers.ssrn.com.
Meanwhile, surveys of sexual activity show that a sexless marriage (i.e., little or no sexual intercourse in a year) is by no means rare—some studies estimate it affects 7 % to 15 % of married adults (with higher estimates if man–woman couples report “very infrequent sex”). Psychology Today.
Together, these findings highlight a powerful contrast: while marriage overall tends to be associated with higher well-being, the decline or absence of sexual intimacy may represent one of the clearest risk factors for undermining that marital happiness premium.
Why Do Marriages Become Sexless?
Sexless marriages don’t happen overnight. Often, intimacy fades gradually, until one day both partners realize they’ve become more like roommates than lovers.
Here are the most common causes:
- Physical & Health Issues
- Hormonal changes, menopause, erectile dysfunction, or chronic stress.
- Poor sleep and low energy can make sex feel like “just another task.”
- Emotional Disconnection
- Resentment from unresolved conflicts.
- Feeling unheard or unappreciated.
- Life Stressors
- Kids, demanding careers, or caring for aging parents.
- Intimacy falls to the bottom of the to-do list.
- Mismatch in Desire
- One partner craves closeness, while the other tends to avoid it.
- Left unaddressed, this creates tension and rejection cycles.
The Emotional Fallout of a Sexless Marriage
A sexless marriage isn’t just about sex—it’s about identity, self-worth, and connection.
Couples often describe:
- Loneliness in marriage → “I feel like I’m sleeping next to a stranger.”
- Loss of attraction → “Maybe I’m not desirable anymore.”
- Silent resentment → One partner feels rejected, the other feels pressured.
- Vulnerability to affairs → When needs aren’t met, people seek validation elsewhere.
As one client once told me: “It’s not about the sex—it’s about what the lack of sex means.”
For couples struggling beyond intimacy issues, rebuilding trust and connection is also vital. Here’s how to fix a broken marriage.
Can a Sexless Marriage Survive?
Yes—and no. Some couples stay married for decades without intimacy, choosing companionship over passion. But most couples eventually face a breaking point.
The truth: a sexless marriage can survive, but it won’t thrive. Without intimacy, couples risk living parallel lives, emotionally distant but legally bound.
That’s why addressing the issue—rather than burying it—is critical.
Practical Ways to Reignite Intimacy
If you feel stuck, here are strategies proven to help:
- Communicate Without Blame
- Instead of: “You never want me.”
- Try: “I miss feeling close to you, and I’d love for us to find our way back.”
- Start Small With Non-Sexual Touch
- Hand-holding, cuddling, or massages rebuild safety.
- Touch without expectation helps break the ice.
- Date Again
- Romance is a muscle—neglect it, and it weakens.
- Plan intentional dates (without kids or phones).
- Address Physical Issues
- Seek Professional Support
If You Feel You Can’t Satisfy Your Wife Anymore
This fear is more common than you think. Many men quietly wonder if they’ve lost their ability to please their partners.
The truth? Emotional satisfaction matters just as much—if not more—than physical performance. When a woman feels emotionally safe, desired, and appreciated, her desire for physical intimacy naturally increases.
Still, if physical performance worries you:
👉 The key is confidence. When you feel capable, you project attraction—and she feels it.
Prevention: Keeping Intimacy Alive Long-Term
Rebuilding intimacy is one step. Keeping it alive for decades is another. Here’s how:
- Daily Micro-Connections: Compliments, hugs, “I love you” texts.
- Rituals: Weekly date nights, morning coffee together.
- Playfulness: Laughter keeps attraction alive.
- Shared Growth: Take on challenges together—new hobbies, fitness, or travel.
Intimacy isn’t something you “fix once.” It’s something you nurture daily.
Conclusion
A sexless marriage doesn’t have to be the end of passion. It can be the beginning of rediscovery.
Yes, the silence is painful. Yes, the distance feels overwhelming. But you can change the story. Step by step, with slight shifts in connection, health, and communication, you can restore intimacy.
And if you’re ready for a more guided path, I’ve created a simple program to help couples reignite intimacy—without awkward conversations or pressure.
👉 If you want to reignite the sexual spark in your marriage once more, click here and watch the video that has helped thousands of men regain intimacy with their wives.
Because you deserve more than just surviving marriage, you deserve to thrive in it.
Dating- and relationship coach Rickard Österholm
About the author
Rickard is our dating expert here at Chi Rho Dating since 2013, a vlogger with his own show on Youtube, and a podcaster. Rickard has been featured on DatingNews.Com, and GoodMenProject.Com.