Let Your Body Help You Out
Your body knows your feelings before your brain has even RSVP’d to the party.
Notice what’s happening physically. Take a pause and direct your attention to any inner sensations that you can become aware of: your tight chest, clenched jaw, shoulders at ear-level — and describe that.
Emotions Show Up Physically First
The more you take a quick moment to tune into your physical self, the more you’ll notice that certain sensations often appear with specific emotions. As described in Traci Pedersen’s Psych Central article, What are Physical Emotions?, “some of the more common physical sensations of emotions [are]:
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Anxiety. Lump in your throat, churning stomach, trembling, dry mouth, sweating, shortness of breath, feeling weak or tense.
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Anger. Hot or flushed face, clenched fists or jaw, shaking, jerky body movements.
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Joy. Feeling of lightness in your body, warm heart, “butterflies” in your stomach.
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Sadness. Feeling of “heartache,” heaviness in your body, tightness in chest, fatigue, drooping face.
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Shame. Hot face, lowered eyes, sunken body posture.
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Fear. Dizziness, weakness in legs, goosebumps, fast breathing and heart rate.”
Translate Sensations Into Words
So next time you’ve got a pit in your tummy when talking to your family member, try saying:
“I notice my stomach knots up when we talk about this; I think I’m anxious.”
Now you’re not just naming a feeling; you’re integrating it. (And therapists everywhere are slow-clapping for you. We’re so proud!)
Choose Safe People (and Safe Times)
As I alluded to earlier, maybe don’t start your talking about feelings debut mid-argument or over a loud group chat.
You might begin by naming just one feeling out loud in a low-stakes space. Pick someone who feels emotionally safe. Start with a friend who listens without fixing, a therapist who gets your vibe, or even your dog (10/10 listener; zero judgment;100% wet, encouraging kisses).
When I work with my therapy clients on cultivating more vulnerability and building the muscle to share how they’re really feeling, I remind them that the people we choose to share openly with need to be deserving of our vulnerability. But of course, all cats and dogs automatically meet this criteria!
At it’s heart, vulnerability means taking an emotional risk.
And when we know that we’re doing something risky, unless you’re a true adrenaline junkie, we (ideally) try to measure the risk first—we weigh the pros and cons and decide whether the potential for connection is worth the possibility of discomfort. An integral part of measuring the emotional risk, is thoughtfully considering who you’re choosing to share with.
How to Know If Someone Is Emotionally Safe
Some questions to help you identify an emotionally safe person:
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How has this person responded when I’ve shared something emotional or personal with them in the past?
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Do I generally consider this person to be trustworthy?
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In this moment, does this person have the space/capacity to really hear me and respond in the way I’d hope?
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Has this person shared personal/emotional things with me? (aka does this feel like an emotionally reciprocal relationship?)
If you answered yes to these questions, then go for it! You have to start taking bite-sized risks to begin strengthening your talking-about-my-feelings muscle.
Start with a Small Share
Then pick a place to start that’s not too too vulnerable. I like to think of this as dipping your toe in and feeling out the temperature, rather than cannonballing into the deep-end just to learn that the water is way too cold today.
Try saying something like:
“I’m kind of nervous to say this, but I’m feeling a bit sad today.”
OMG! You did it! You’re killing it at vulnerable, emotional communication!
A small word of caution: oversharing or trauma-dumping generally results in pushing people away, despite our efforts to try to connect and actually invite them in. If you’re ready to share something more emotionally intense, be mindful of what you’re sharing and the possible impact on the person you’re sharing with.
And if you need backup? That’s what we’re here for.
Book a consultation with one of our Kindman & Co. therapists — we love helping people practice this feelings stuff in real time.
Talking About Feelings Is a Radical Act
In a culture that celebrates “I’m fine!” like it’s an aspirational personality trait, telling the truth about your emotions is revolutionary.
When you say, “I’m scared,” “I’m excited,” or “I’m grieving,” you give others permission to be real, too.
Emotional Truth as Everyday Resistance
With the team at Kindman & Co., we often talk about Vulnerability Dominoes. I’m not sure how the actual game of Dominoes is played, but when I was a kid, we’d just stack them all up in a row and knock the first one down to watch them all quickly fall in succession. That IS how you play Dominoes, right?
So in our version of Vulnerability Dominoes (it’s a metaphor!) we celebrate moments where clients (or one of us) have taken the leap—to share or do something that felt emotionally risky—and been met by another person choosing to share in kind. When you don’t turn away from the thing that feels scary, it often models for others that they can do this too. And guess what? It also feels really good and is quite reassuring when you’ve just shared vulnerably and are met with someone else’s vulnerability.
And just like that, now you’re a leader! An activist! A revolutionary!
This is how empathy spreads—one brave conversation at a time.
This is also resistance—you’re actively pushing back against a culture of stoicism, capitalism, fierce independence, and above all, one that prioritizes intellect and analysis over our innate ability to feel and connect.
So go ahead: start small, stay curious, and remember: your feelings are not now—and have never been—a problem to solve. They’re a language to learn.
Ready to level up?
Feeling Feelings: The Sequel
Congratulations, you’ve now entered Advanced Feelings: The Talking Edition. Don’t worry, there’s no pop quiz, just a lifetime of opportunities to practice. Lucky you!
Building Emotional Fluency Takes Practice
Each time you speak your feelings out loud—to a partner, a friend, your therapist, or your very patient dog—you’re rewiring the part of you that learned to hide them. That’s huge. That’s healing. That’s activism.
So go ahead, take the emotional risk. Say the thing. Feel the thing.
And remember, there’s a tiny team of therapists in Los Angeles who are cheering for you (and slow-clapping, obvi) as you win at Vulnerability Dominoes.