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In long-term relationships, it’s common for sexual desire to fade over time. Whether you’ve noticed that the passion isn’t as intense as it once was or you’re struggling to rekindle that initial spark, you’re not alone. If you’re worried that sexual desire has disappeared, rest assured, it hasn’t. According to sexologist Eva Mossberg, with the right approach, you can reignite lust and create deeper intimacy in your relationship.
Why Does Sexual Desire Fade Over Time?
Sexual desire often evolves over the course of a relationship. At the start, everything is exciting and spontaneous, driven by the hormone dopamine. However, as the relationship matures and becomes more comfortable, this initial passion can be replaced by feelings of safety and trust, thanks to the hormone oxytocin.
While oxytocin promotes bonding and closeness, it doesn’t always trigger the same intense sexual drive as dopamine. But that doesn’t mean desire is lost—it simply requires a different approach.
If you want more tips after reading this article, you can always read my article about how to reignite the spark in your relationship.
The Science Behind Lust: Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire
Understanding the two types of sexual desire—spontaneous and responsive—is key to navigating the ups and downs of a long-term relationship.
- Spontaneous Desire: This is the type of sexual desire that arises naturally—often without any external stimulus. You may experience it early in a relationship when everything feels new and exciting.
- Responsive Desire: Over time, you may rely more on responsive desire. This means that instead of feeling aroused right away, you respond to physical touch or emotional intimacy, building up sexual excitement gradually.
Knowing which type of desire dominates in your relationship can help you understand why passion has decreased and how to address it.
Now that you know that, you might want to check out our guide on why your marriage is sexless and how to fix it.
Top Tips to Rekindle Sexual Desire in Your Relationship
- Prioritize Foreplay: If spontaneous desire isn’t as frequent, focus on responsive desire. Extend foreplay and create a more relaxed, intimate environment where your body can respond to touch. Eva Mossberg suggests that by focusing on the body first, your brain will eventually catch up, and desire will naturally follow.
- Understand Each Other’s Turn-Ons: Every person has different “tuning” mechanisms when it comes to arousal. One partner may need emotional intimacy, while the other needs physical closeness. Open communication about what turns you on, emotionally and physically, can work wonders.
- Be Present and Communicative: One of the most significant barriers to sexual desire is poor communication. Talking openly about your wishes, fantasies, and even frustrations can help partners reconnect and deepen their connection. Eva Mossberg emphasizes that emotional intimacy is as important as physical touch when it comes to reigniting lust.
- Reduce Stress: Stress is one of the biggest killers of sexual desire. Long work hours, personal struggles, and even mundane tasks can take a toll on your libido. Finding ways to de-stress, whether it’s through exercise, relaxation techniques, or simply carving out time for fun activities together, can help restore intimacy.
- Experiment with New Things: If things have become routine, try something new. Whether it’s exploring new places for intimacy, introducing toys or fantasies, or simply having more fun together, changing things up can help break the monotony and reignite excitement.
The Role of Emotional Intimacy in Rekindling Lust
Sex isn’t just about the physical act—it’s about emotional connection. Feeling emotionally supported, loved, and understood can make all the difference in one’s life. Mossberg advises couples to engage in “non-sexual intimacy”—small gestures of affection like hugs, kisses, and words of affirmation—that help build emotional closeness and pave the way for sexual intimacy.
If you’re looking for more tips, you might appreciate the article on building emotional intimacy in a relationship.
When to Seek Professional Help
If you’ve tried everything and sexual desire still seems to be lacking, it might be time to consult a professional. A sex therapist or counselor can help you explore any underlying emotional, physical, or psychological issues that could be affecting your libido.
I understand that seeking professional help might seem like a failure, but it can ultimately benefit your relationship in the long term. Nowadays, you can also do it online if you feel too awkward to seek out marriage counselors physically. Here are a few signs that should tell you that you either need to seek professional help or hire an expensive divorce lawyer.
Lust Follows Life
Sexual desire may fluctuate throughout a relationship, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone for good. By understanding how desire works, communicating openly with your partner, and taking steps to reduce stress and increase intimacy, you can bring the spark back to your sex life. Remember, lust follows life—it’s all about being present and working together to nurture both emotional and physical connection.
Common Questions Other People Have Asked
Why has my sexual desire decreased in my long-term relationship?
It’s common for sexual desire to fluctuate over time due to various factors such as stress, emotional disconnect, hormonal changes, or routine.
How can I reignite intimacy with my partner?
Rebuilding intimacy involves open communication, spending quality time together, and engaging in activities that foster emotional connection.
What role does emotional intimacy play in sexual desire?
Emotional intimacy is crucial; feeling understood and connected emotionally can enhance physical attraction and desire.
Are there specific exercises or practices to boost sexual desire?
Yes, incorporating activities like mutual massages, exploring fantasies, or engaging in playful interactions can stimulate desire.
How can stress and external pressures affect my libido?
High levels of stress, anxiety, or external pressures can diminish libido by affecting hormonal balances and emotional well-being.
Is it normal for sexual desire to change over time in a relationship?
Yes, fluctuations in sexual desire are natural and can be influenced by life stages, health, and relationship dynamics.
When should we consider seeking professional help for intimacy issues?
If efforts to reconnect aren’t yielding results, or if there are underlying issues like unresolved conflicts or trauma, consulting a therapist can be beneficial.
How to Rekindle Sexual Desire in a Long-Term Relationship
Looking for more expert advice? Read my article on common communication relationship challenges in relationships to help improve intimacy in your relationship
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About the author
Rickard is our dating expert here at Chi Rho Dating since 2013, a vlogger with his own show on Youtube, and a podcaster. Rickard has been featured on DatingNews.Com, and GoodMenProject.Com.