Most of us have gone through periods in our lives where we notice that we’re falling into the same traps over and over. Earlier in my life I fell for the same kind of guy over and over. I kept letting my over-infatuated brain tempt me by a handsome man who was showing this ugly duckling-feeling younger me sexual attention. OMG, this gorgeous guy likes me? He must be the ONE!!! Except all they really wanted was another bedroom conquest. I eventually learned to notice the tell-tale signs of this happening and stopped falling into the trap.
More recently, I noticed that I actually have a life-long repeating pattern which is actually a bit more complex. The desire is to desperately want to escape from foundational aspects of my life (jobs, locations) to dramatically change my life without a plan for putting a new foundation in place. I actually got away with doing that multiple times in my youth. I even dramatically improved my life when I actually had a new or old foundation to depend on. But I made the mistake, eventually, of thinking it was the change alone that worked the magic and not the safety net.
Disaster ensued and I strongly intend to make better decisions next time. But note that I said “next time.” Some part of my psyche is clamoring to disrupt the status quo AGAIN!
No, no, no. I’m older now, a lot older. I’m afraid to make the same mistakes. And I’m very afraid about an unknown future and how a safety net all people my age usually depend on might be stripped away. How am I supposed to plan for a future thinking that? Work longer? (Yes) But am I really done having adventures? Am I going to give up on long held dreams?
Another inner voice speaks up: is the present moment I’m living really that bad? Not exactly. And that is actually a calming realization. I could make less dramatic but useful changes without throwing everything into disarray. And, step by step, I could see what choices come to mind as I do. (Not my preferred, more exciting, way of doing things . . . but better than doing nothing at all.)
Obviously, this is an ongoing process.
How Flower Essences Have Been Helping
I have been occasionally working with a formula I made for myself combining Walnut (for wanting to make a significant change in a protected way), Aspen (for fear of an unknown future), and Columbine (for creating a life change direction that honors the full expression of my inner self).
This is a calming combination for me but I haven’t been taking it regularly because I have been frequently thrown off track by the news of the day. Lately though, I’m sick of THAT repeating pattern as well. Letting some bully authority figure be the center of my attention isn’t exactly good for my life and emotional well-being either!
So today I added Chestnut Bud for becoming more conscious about and becoming better at interrupting repeated patterns. VERY grounding! But THEN, I almost immediately felt a great need for Impatiens for irritability and lack of patience with having to go at a slower pace than my desperation for change wants to allow. And that combination was VERY VERY grounding.
Am I done? I doubt it. By taking time to just be with my process, grief welled up and lots of yawning (relief of tension). And, of course, isn’t that grief at the heart of it? It’s about wanting to make changes I’ve wanted for multiple years now and having grief about needing to create even deeper foundational support so I can let go and take advantage of it.
This is a work in progress, and I imagine I’ll be returning to this page to update you on that!
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Flower essences are used to assist with mind-body-spirit interactions and individual results may vary. They are extremely dilute which makes them quite safe. But because so little physical substance can be detected in a flower essence solution, these products are presumed to work on an energetic or vibrational level—something that cannot be adequately tested by western scientific methods. Claims made by me, therefore, are based on personal experiences and the evidence of the combined multiple decades of case notes by Dr. Edward Bach as well as Healing Herbs and Flower Essence Services (the companies who make the ingredients I use in my products). This is not, however, accepted medical evidence or substantiated scientific evidence from a modern allopathic point of view. I am not a medical doctor or licensed healthcare practitioner.
Statements made have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. The information provided on my blog, websites or by this company are not a substitute for a face-to-face consultation with a health care provider, and should not be construed as individual medical or mental health advice. Consulting with a health care provider is a must for anyone taking medications or working with a medical or mental health condition, and highly recommended before using any herbal product. Please consult your doctor or health care provider for any possible contraindications and/or interactions with current medications. I trust you to seek the medical guidance you need to use any of my herbal products healthily at your own risk.