A form of Dyadic meditation called “Just Like Me” can help to reduce feelings of loneliness and enhance interpersonal closeness according to research published in the Journal Mindfulness.
Ever since COVID social isolation has peaked and many have felt the psychological effects, which include anxiety and depression.
Sadly, a sense of isolation is in many ways inherent to the human condition. Many of us are acutely aware of our differences but less aware of our similarities, and that in turn leads to feelings of loneliness. But according to lead researcher Vera U. Ludwig at the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center, meditation can help with that. In particular, “Just Like Me” meditation.
“What if we all stopped for a moment and noticed: ‘Just like me’ all these people are humans, going through this world struggling to find their way,” says Ludwig. “They all have feelings, hopes, needs, dreams, wishes; they all have felt lonely, they are often very much doing their best given the circumstances they have been experiencing.” That is what Just Like Me meditation is designed to help us with.
What is Just Like Me meditation
There are many meditations that are used to cultivate compassion, especially Buddhist Meditations like Metta (Loving Kindness), Karuna (compassion), and Tonglen (Giving And Receiving). But Just Like Me meditation has a unique twist: It is done with the eyes open facing another person. Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield says that it “helps us see past our individual differences in order to rest in the heart of compassion”.
Here’s how to do it:
- Sit facing each other comfortably, with a soft gaze into each other’s eyes. Let your face relax. (You can also do it by visualizing the other person instead of actually looking at them but through my experience as a meditation teacher I’ve found that the intimacy of actually having another person there enhances the effects).
- Take a few deep breaths, settling into the moment.
- Silently or softly repeat the following phrases while staying present with your partner: “This person has a body and a mind, just like me.” “This person has feelings and emotions, just like me.” “This person has been hurt and has healed, just like me.” “This person longs to be happy and free from pain, just like me.” “This person is doing their best, just like me.”
- After a few moments, pause in silence, still connected through your gaze.
- End with a gentle nod or thank you.
“I Remember Being Deeply Moved”
Ludwig was inspired to conduct the study following an experience she had in her earlier life. “Many years ago,” she wrote, “I attended a workshop by Mironel de Wilde [Center for Nonviolent Communication]. He had us walk around the room, stop in front of a stranger, and simply look them in the eyes. As we did, he read sentences like: “Just like me, this person has felt loneliness, sadness, and pain,” “Just like me, this person wishes to be loved.” I remember being deeply moved—and I wasn’t the only one. Many participants had tears in their eyes while looking at each other.”
The results of the research were positive. Indeed, two studies—one virtual and one in-person—demonstrated that Just-Like-Me outperformed simple eye gazing or solitary breath-focused meditation in fostering connection. Physiological synchrony also emerged: participants’ smiles and heart rates aligned during the practice. The meditation appeared to tap into mechanisms of empathy and human resonance.
Despite its simplicity, the practice had powerful emotional effects—even for participants unfamiliar with meditation. While some found the eye contact intense, most reported positive shifts.
The researchers state that Just Like Me holds promise for fostering understanding in polarized contexts and enhancing connection in relationships, schools, workplaces, or even justice systems. Though long-term effects are unclear, this research highlights a simple yet profound way to bridge human divides.
In my opinion, however, it is a shame that this research did not compare Just Like Me to other compassion-based meditations, and instead focused on generic gazing meditation (Trataka) and mindful breathing (Anapanasati). For instance, how would this method compare to Loving Kindness? I would love to know.
Source
The study, “Synchronous Smiles and Hearts: Dyadic Meditations Enhance Closeness and Prosocial Behavior in Virtual and In‑Person Settings,” was authored by Vera U. Ludwig, Lana Prieur, Scott M. Rennie, Andrew Beswerchij, Devora Weintraub, Blaire Berry, Jenny Wey, Katelyn Candido, and Michael L. Platt. Mironel de Wilde served as an advisor on the meditation method.
Paul Harrison is a meditation teacher with 20+ years of experience and a deep passion for helping others. Known for his empathy and authentic approach, he’s dedicated to guiding individuals and teams toward mindfulness, clarity, and well-being.