I’ve been having occasional problems with what I assume is esophogheal spasms which come on only when I’m eating. I feel the pain in my back and then I can’t seem to fully swallow. It’s scary but I have learned a few tricks for avoiding these spasms or stopping them before they fully take hold. Unfortunately, today none of those tricks worked right away. I got it to settle down but I was particularly distressed that I had been doing all the things I had learned and it didn’t keep it from happening!
This time, though, I know without a doubt that I was feeling emotionally stirred up just before eating . . . and this is always the case when these spasms happen. It almost always has to do with upset about work but this time it wasn’t. I had just talked to my sister back east who had a great time taking her grandchildren to the beach and I was jealous! I’ve been to that beach. I miss New England beaches as well as California ones that are no longer easily accessible for Paul and me. And then I made things worse by looking on Zillow to check the housing prices near where I think I might prefer to live. Always a mistake for me these days!
Honeysuckle flower essence came to mind as it often does when I get caught up in a beach nostalgia trip. Honeysuckle is for healing longing for a past that can no longer be returned to in any normal way. It is also useful for regrets about choices made in the past or nostalgia for a life that felt better than the one you have now. I’ve needed to take Honeysuckle for years, but I’ve resisted because I haven’t wanted to give up on making it back to the coast (either one) and, therefore, didn’t want to let go of my desire to be there.
But this unending longing gets in the way of fully embracing the present or even of being able to create a healthy future based on current priorities. After 17-18 years, I can’t go home again and have it be the same, even if I could magically afford to do that. So much has changed, including me. And letting go of this fantasy doesn’t mean I can never visit or even find another beach location we could love (if that is something that continues to be important). There has really been no real reason not to try Honeysuckle, so this time I did.
And something very interesting happened. I noticed the energy moving in my body as I do every time I take a flower essence and this time it went directly to the spot in the middle of my back that spasms sometimes when I eat—to the back of the Heart chakra. I never made that association before but it makes perfect sense. My upset about work and about not easily being able to get back to the life I had close to the beach is grief! I usually think it is anger . . . but I know that grief frequently hides behind anger—grief about the injustices of life in particular.
It’s Saturday as I’m writing tonight but I don’t plan to post this right away. I want to see what happens as I use Honeysuckle over time. I note tonight that I feel sad and when I acknowledge that I start to yawn. I’ll come back to this and report again as this healing experiment goes along.
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Sunday: Decided to learn more about the back of the Heart Chakra. While the front of the Heart chakra is very familiar to me—it’s about feeling love and compassion for others—the back is more about receiving love and trusting/surrendering to Divine guidance. It holds old pain, past betrayals, and emotional blocks that interfere with manifestation, mostly because of the desire to control too much due to doubt and fear. I wound up doing healing work on the earliest time I was forced to leave a place I loved and never got to come back—the theme I’ve been working on at this time. And once I did that I had sudden recollection about another place where Paul and I briefly lived, fell in love with, but had to leave. So there has been healing on that. When I used Honeysuckle today, the energy was more grounding.
The idea of adding Sweet Pea to the Honeysuckle has now come up. My first response is to resist that because Sweet Pea is about feeling at home where I live and I’ve been wishing we could move! But “resistance is futile” when it comes to healing. So I did and the first thing that came up is how I miss living in a place where Sweet Peas grow wild. (Of course, it did.) I’ve got more healing to do, so I’ll be continuing!
Tuesday: An interesting thing has happened. I spent the last two days processing emotions about multiple past losses and using additional flower essences to cope with that. But this morning I ran a couple of errands, had insignificant but friendly interactions with shopkeepers as I often do, and on the way home I noticed how pretty the trees were and the sunny blue sky. First thought: “Chico is a really nice place!” (As if I didn’t know that.) Next thought: “Why don’t we stay here and save up money for overnight trips and vacations instead of worrying about moving to the coast?” It’s not the first time this idea has come up, but it is the first time it was MY idea and the first time I thought that was perfectly alright.
I’ve been feeling great today so that’s a really good sign.
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Flower essences are used to assist with mind-body-spirit interactions and individual results may vary. They are extremely dilute which makes them quite safe. But because so little physical substance can be detected in a flower essence solution, these products are presumed to work on an energetic or vibrational level—something that cannot be adequately tested by western scientific methods. Claims made by me, therefore, are based on personal experiences and the evidence of the combined multiple decades of case notes by Dr. Edward Bach as well as Healing Herbs and Flower Essence Services (the companies who make the ingredients I use in my products). This is not, however, accepted medical evidence or substantiated scientific evidence from a modern allopathic point of view. I am not a medical doctor or licensed healthcare practitioner.
Statements made have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. The information provided on my blog, websites or by this company are not a substitute for a face-to-face consultation with a health care provider, and should not be construed as individual medical or mental health advice. Consulting with a health care provider is a must for anyone taking medications or working with a medical or mental health condition, and highly recommended before using any herbal product. Please consult your doctor or health care provider for any possible contraindications and/or interactions with current medications. I trust you to seek the medical guidance you need to use any of my herbal products healthily at your own risk.